O

i have been given a choice of fight or flight. i see nothing as the choice i would like to make. i will float through and just be nothing. not live and not even die, just nothing.

i hope i am not indulging but i am also scared that i might be. i don't want to make an excuse. this was all me. this has nothing to do with BD or whatever over-analyzing of self you expect to hear, it's all me.

i wish i could say something. that i've been through a lot and i didn't know what to do, but life wasn't that bad and i did know what to do.

if i would be given another chance of course i would like to do things differently but see, i'm not sure if i would. that's how messed up i am and i'm starting to doubt if that would ever change.

being me means always having to say you're sorry