11.9.11
In Other, More Important, Lighter News
I think I just discovered an alter-ego last Friday. It has been a while since I've allowed myself to go crazy and I wasn't expecting it to happen after a hard day's work when all I really wanted to do was be lazy and sleep.
Okay, it was a really shitty day and I thought a pop of V would help. And then of course I drank, which I don't do often anymore. Result: Dancing. Dancing, which, for your information, is an act I don't do much. I like the idea and yes, I like doing it but I do have an image to protect so I try to stay away from doing it in public as much as I can. By that I mean, to hell and high water, nobody can force me to dance when I don't feel like it. I can sway and move a little, but dance? No, siree, I don't do dancing. But it was a Friday night and in a normal, boring, conventional life, people get crazy on Friday nights. Being new to this normal, boring, conventional system of living, I fell into that trap. At some level, I am embarrassed, but, I also know that I had A LOT of fun. I just wish I looked better and was wearing better clothes that night. Ang arte ko. But really, someone dancing is only a spectacle if he or she looks good while doing it. Oh jeezus, my superficial first world westernized girl problems.
Maybe I really should get back to being an activist. Bumaliktad ang mundo. I'm the Inside-Out Girl now.
Okay, it was a really shitty day and I thought a pop of V would help. And then of course I drank, which I don't do often anymore. Result: Dancing. Dancing, which, for your information, is an act I don't do much. I like the idea and yes, I like doing it but I do have an image to protect so I try to stay away from doing it in public as much as I can. By that I mean, to hell and high water, nobody can force me to dance when I don't feel like it. I can sway and move a little, but dance? No, siree, I don't do dancing. But it was a Friday night and in a normal, boring, conventional life, people get crazy on Friday nights. Being new to this normal, boring, conventional system of living, I fell into that trap. At some level, I am embarrassed, but, I also know that I had A LOT of fun. I just wish I looked better and was wearing better clothes that night. Ang arte ko. But really, someone dancing is only a spectacle if he or she looks good while doing it. Oh jeezus, my superficial first world westernized girl problems.
Maybe I really should get back to being an activist. Bumaliktad ang mundo. I'm the Inside-Out Girl now.
I Need My Anti-Depressants
What's happening to me is very unreasonable. I should be happy. I would be if I were normal. But I never was and I don't think I can ever be. A line from Joyce Carol Oates' novel I'll Take You There says it best: "I baptize thee in the name of ceaseless yearning, ceaseless seeking, and ceaseless dissatisfaction. Amen!"
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