Gera II

Dear ever-loyal diary,

I declare the next two weeks to be my summer and post-birthday celebration (my umpteenth celeb since my real birthday on August). And you know what happens during the summer. Plus I will be able to do anything since it's my 'birthday.' Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's gera time once again.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the freak show.

A whole lotta love,
23 but none the wiser

Midnight Blue Pill on a Halloween Sunday

Tonight's MGB Halloween special makes me nostalgic about a lot of things and kind of makes me want to write about those memories too. But I won't. Hah.

My plans of going backpacking has long been overdue. And I can't even say that money is the problem. It's my budgeting... or just me, plainly. I always have too much fun in the city that I never really felt the need of taking a time off away from the "contemporary" life. Fine, in actuality, I get "walwal" and spend my money on "amats," whatever you may think it to be. Lately, though, I think I'm becoming too "makalat." I need to get a grip of myself and bring some peace into my life, no matter how temporary or false.

All I'm trying to say is, I'm planning a trip. But I'm still not totally sure if I'm going. Maybe I should, and maybe I need to. Maybe I miss being 20, or 21. Maybe I need to grow up. Because the more I get walwal the more I feel guilty the next day. The more I feel that it's not the same as two or three years ago, and it never will be. People around me have grown up. It's no longer 2010 when all of us were living la vie bohemme (a.k.a. bordering on being bums), and it's definitely not 2009 when all of us were... just out there. I have decided that 2012 should be different, it will not be about looking back on things that were. It should and will be something new.

I thought that I should start now.

Go backpacking.

Meet new people.

Get a new job.

C won't be back until around the 18th, so allow me to just consider this as a test. If we're still okay, in a sense, even after he gets back, then we are okay. If not, well, I just hope that we would be both happy wherever we may be come that time.

Come to think of it, moving on is like getting a tattoo. You've been obsessed with the idea of getting one for so long but never really gotten around to having it done. Right time comes when you finally decide that this is it, I'm getting one, even though you know it would hurt like hell, and you're scared that it would. But you're also excited about finally having it. In the middle of the session you might scream or cry, or even think about quitting the whole thing and just leave it hanging and unfinished. But you have to hang in there. Afterwards, when it's done, it's just pure bliss and satisfaction. It would itch every now and then for the first couple of weeks, reminding you of what you've been through to get that little new piece of joy. You don't regret anything. It was the wisest decision you've ever made.

Or I could be wrong and just babbling. We'll see.

Post-Job Post

I dare not let October reach its second half without ranting about it. Soooooo, (one of the best things about blogging, I can exaggerate spelllliiiiings) I have already handed in my two weeks notice today. Least to say, morning in the office was awkward. Though there are a lot of things I hate about the working conditions and environment in our company, my resignation still saddens me a teensy-weensy bit. Anyway, I would have helped them improve and develop their system of doing stuff had they been nicer. The super bosses are actually kind and cool, albeit sometimes unreasonably strict. It's the immediate supervisors I could not and would never stand, hence the resignation. (But I don't like to dwell on these kinds of things as I have changed a lot lately and now prefer to always move forward--without looking back.)

October has been very busy--as well as September, actually--and that's fine with me. I like it when time flies fast. What isn't fine is the salary I get. I already don't spend much at this rate because all I do is work. All I'm ever at is the office and my parents' house and the money I get still doesn't get me by. And I'm not being maarte. Life's been really tough for everybody and I've chosen the wrong time for this job. Everything's just so expensive these days that I can't afford to get jobs I actually, really, ultimately like. I have to choose the job I somehow like that also actually, really, ultimately pays.

 Varekai paid fairly, paid better than most even, but at that time there was actually a job offer from another company that was willing to pay even more. I didn't choose to get that job because my conscience, body, and soul would not allow me to trade the Varekai experience for anything else. But I think this job that I have now is worth trading. It's time to trade the experience for something worth more bucks because that's what my immediate needs dictate. It's a sad, sad world, people, where economics is the foundation of everything. I just hope it works out for me.

I need a job. Anyone?