It's Day 38. Or 37.
It's not his fault. I did this to myself. I was the one who kissed him and pulled him downstairs. None of this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't so manic.
But that's me. I fall in love with the first person who likes me. He was so nice and I bet he still is in some ways but just not to me. Because he realized he never really liked me in that way. It was just a spur of the moment hypersexuality thing. He caught me at the wrong time though. I was ready. I wanted someone.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you through that.
But you shouldn't had been an asshole too.
Now I guess I'm back with games.
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She's nicer. The girl next door. Can't say prettier, but takes care of herself more. She's a dream girl. I've always thought that she was a rebound. That you just wanted someone to play with after we were done. But now I realize that I am the rebound. The second choice. The booty call.
I shouldn't have stalked her social media. This is what happens.
Forget about her, she is not important in the equation.
Although it makes it easier for me to move on when I think about him having someone else.
Obviously I'm conflicted.
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And you. There are no more sparks. I wish I could still look at you and feel the same awkwardness, because that would mean there's still something there. But we're like old friends now. I think I love you more now and still care about you, but we know we cannot happen. Not in this timeline. How perfect that would be though. Just thinking of the things we can do together makes me happy. But nope, not in this timeline.
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And you. I'll forever enjoy that little youthful tension I feel whenever I'm around you. Yours were there the first pair of eyes I got lost in.
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No, I am not available for dating until further notice.
