16.4.13
Insomnimania
I don't want to go to sleep yet. I really don't. There are so many things I want to do. I want to take advantage of all my excess energy to create something. But I have to remind myself that in order to get better I must make healthy choices. Staying up all night will only make my mania worse. Oh, bother. So, yep, I'm taking that thing, and will let it do what it does and lull me to sleep.
When I thought I was getting better
I was feeling very intense again today. Good thing I had an appointment set with my doctor. I went with my mother. I would have had it otherwise but my doctor insisted that I bring her with me. And because I trust my doctor and I really do want to get better, I obliged.
The day started well. I was in a good mood. Too good to be true actually. I started to doubt my mood because mornings like that usually do not end well. And right I was. I was speeding myself through work after work that I skipped lunch and then realized that I was late for my appointment so my mom and I hurried our way to my doctor. We were on our way when I started to get really irritated. There were too many people. The weather was too hot. And I actually shouted at someone who stepped on my foot on the train. I tried to calm myself down really bad. I was feeling really agitated I thought my chest would burst.
Of course I told my doctor about today's mood. My lithium dosage was upped and was given a new medication to help me get to sleep. I really hope this works.
I was supposed to go to QC because it's a close friend's birthday but decided against it. My doctor also advised that I skip it. So I texted my "best friend" that I couldn't go. I finally told her that I have bipolar disorder. She couldn't believe it at first and later on, I guess when she finally got over it, she told me that she's a little mad that I have been avoiding talking to her. I would have told her I was sorry except that I wasn't really feeling up to that kind of conversation.
My ex and I are working on some projects together so I have no choice but to talk to him time after time. When I was talking to him on the phone this afternoon, he got agitated. I was asking for updates and I was trying really hard to calm myself down so that my mood is not heard over the phone. But when he sounded irritated while talking to me, it really pissed me off. Here I was, trying my best to control my mood and he didn't seem to even care about that.
Then he called again tonight to ask about something he should already know the answer to. I wanted to throw my phone on the wall.
a;slkfh398yt2io4gh398jthge98wjtljgdfiohjsdiog
Man, I hate this mood.
The day started well. I was in a good mood. Too good to be true actually. I started to doubt my mood because mornings like that usually do not end well. And right I was. I was speeding myself through work after work that I skipped lunch and then realized that I was late for my appointment so my mom and I hurried our way to my doctor. We were on our way when I started to get really irritated. There were too many people. The weather was too hot. And I actually shouted at someone who stepped on my foot on the train. I tried to calm myself down really bad. I was feeling really agitated I thought my chest would burst.
Of course I told my doctor about today's mood. My lithium dosage was upped and was given a new medication to help me get to sleep. I really hope this works.
I was supposed to go to QC because it's a close friend's birthday but decided against it. My doctor also advised that I skip it. So I texted my "best friend" that I couldn't go. I finally told her that I have bipolar disorder. She couldn't believe it at first and later on, I guess when she finally got over it, she told me that she's a little mad that I have been avoiding talking to her. I would have told her I was sorry except that I wasn't really feeling up to that kind of conversation.
My ex and I are working on some projects together so I have no choice but to talk to him time after time. When I was talking to him on the phone this afternoon, he got agitated. I was asking for updates and I was trying really hard to calm myself down so that my mood is not heard over the phone. But when he sounded irritated while talking to me, it really pissed me off. Here I was, trying my best to control my mood and he didn't seem to even care about that.
Then he called again tonight to ask about something he should already know the answer to. I wanted to throw my phone on the wall.
a;slkfh398yt2io4gh398jthge98wjtljgdfiohjsdiog
Man, I hate this mood.
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