10.10.10
Demet
I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. I'm in that stage again when I can't get anything done. Why does this keep coming back? Don't I get to move on and not do this anymore? It's not even a phase. I wish it were. And it isn't PMS. I'm doomed to be like this forever.
No matter what I do, people just keep disappointing me. I have come to realize that there's nothing wrong with the people around me. It's me. I keep expecting.
Pota, I'm a sad, sad breathing thing.
6.10.10
4.10.10
what to do, what to do
To be or not to be. That is not really a question. -Jean-Luc Godard
PERO DILEMMA PA RIN S'YA, OKAY?
PERO DILEMMA PA RIN S'YA, OKAY?
3.10.10
randomrandomrandom because it's four a.m. and i'm still awake and sabaw
it's all good when i'm not with you. but every time you're near and i get a whiff of your pheromones, i die. it's like getting high minus the risk of going to jail and the respiratory disease. every time you hug me--when you cuddle like a panda and i fit just perfectly in your arms--i am at my weakest, inhaling you like the air in QC (not entirely healthy nor clean, but familiar and comforting).
and on this note, i must say, you are:
*a cigarette on a chilly night
*a good book on a sunday
*a bar of chocolate during PMS
*noodle soup on a rainy day
*a TV marathon on a lazy day
*my mangga and asin-with-sili, NYFD fries, and milkshake ALL-IN-ONE
i love you most when i don't have to try too hard. because i know i do. and it's tiresome and stressful. and when i don't it feels like three in the morning when everything's simple and quiet and the internet connection is at it's fastest. i love you like a hundred thousand times over my DSL speed. i love you even when I hate you. and I hate you a lot. and I don't care how long this would last. i love you because I want to.
and on this note, i must say, you are:
*a cigarette on a chilly night
*a good book on a sunday
*a bar of chocolate during PMS
*noodle soup on a rainy day
*a TV marathon on a lazy day
*my mangga and asin-with-sili, NYFD fries, and milkshake ALL-IN-ONE
i love you most when i don't have to try too hard. because i know i do. and it's tiresome and stressful. and when i don't it feels like three in the morning when everything's simple and quiet and the internet connection is at it's fastest. i love you like a hundred thousand times over my DSL speed. i love you even when I hate you. and I hate you a lot. and I don't care how long this would last. i love you because I want to.
my father just asked me for my school records
WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?!
I am not going back to school next semester. I am going to get a job. I need money! I hate college. What do I need a college degree for?! A career?! You've got to be kidding me. Why would I want that?!
Update: C's getting his own place in QC. Yay!
I hate the south. I want to go back up north! I want my own place in QC too!
I need a home-based job aside from my part-time. I need to save up!
This post contains too many exclamation points. ARRGGGHHHH!!!
I am not going back to school next semester. I am going to get a job. I need money! I hate college. What do I need a college degree for?! A career?! You've got to be kidding me. Why would I want that?!
Update: C's getting his own place in QC. Yay!
I hate the south. I want to go back up north! I want my own place in QC too!
I need a home-based job aside from my part-time. I need to save up!
This post contains too many exclamation points. ARRGGGHHHH!!!
1.10.10
i am so tired and PMS-ing right now
there are a lot of jobs out there apparently. but none that you'd like and enjoy and would treat you fairly and pay you your work's worth. fairness is apparently something that's too much to ask. injustice has become normative. nothing's wrong enough.
i'm losing my respect in people.
just stop pretending. you hate your job. you know you do. you hate the claustrophobic environment. you hate the instant coffee. you hate not having to be able to smoke whenever you want. you hate having to make excuses when you are going to be late or absent for work. you want to be able to do what you want. don't be a wuss and just do it, whatever it may be. i mean, seriously, do you really want a career?! come on. so much better things out there. much, much better.
fortunately, there are still some who are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in--with good pay or none. i miss you good people of the world. i wish to join you again soon. once i get myself out of this tangled web.
i am SABAW.
i'm losing my respect in people.
just stop pretending. you hate your job. you know you do. you hate the claustrophobic environment. you hate the instant coffee. you hate not having to be able to smoke whenever you want. you hate having to make excuses when you are going to be late or absent for work. you want to be able to do what you want. don't be a wuss and just do it, whatever it may be. i mean, seriously, do you really want a career?! come on. so much better things out there. much, much better.
fortunately, there are still some who are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in--with good pay or none. i miss you good people of the world. i wish to join you again soon. once i get myself out of this tangled web.
i am SABAW.
30.9.10
27.9.10
BUSY, BUSY NIGHT
To-Do List for tonight:
1. Eat dinner
2. Brush teeth
3. Wash face (optional)
4. Research
5. Write article
6. Watch a movie
7. Read fiction, preferably in the "fantasy" genre (optional)
8. Look for freelance jobs
The first step to getting a life: making lists.
1. Eat dinner
2. Brush teeth
3. Wash face (optional)
4. Research
5. Write article
6. Watch a movie
7. Read fiction, preferably in the "fantasy" genre (optional)
8. Look for freelance jobs
The first step to getting a life: making lists.
Mon Omelette Du Fromage
My cheese omelette says:
A little bit of feel good goes a long way.
Yes, I cooked.
Then I was too lazy to eat it.
Job, house, family, social life, headache:
How do grown-ups manage all of these things? They are the most underrated people on earth I believe.
I can't wait to be 40.
20s and 30s are too much pressure.
A little bit of feel good goes a long way.
Yes, I cooked.
Then I was too lazy to eat it.
Job, house, family, social life, headache:
How do grown-ups manage all of these things? They are the most underrated people on earth I believe.
I can't wait to be 40.
20s and 30s are too much pressure.
Today Is Deja Vu Of That Day When I Was
seventeen, on a hot Sunday afternoon with Pink Floyd on my headphones, Volume: full blast. Propped open: Palahniuk. Room: a mess. Today is just like that. It's teenage angst all over again.
Except that C just texted, ruining the momentum of this post. I'm sorry, I gotta call him up. It has been a depressing week for everyone.
HOLD.
Heh. I forgot that I have an unfinished blog post. C's down. What can I do to cheer him up? I'm as depressed as he is. Bah. Anyway.
I just want to say that I don't like handling drunk fathers. Nobody does. So why don't you, fathers of the world, stop being such alcoholics and be good? NO, you can't be a good father and an alcoholic at the same time. My friend J thinks that he can though. He believes that if he's honest to his sons about his drinking and smoking and if he does it in front of them they would appreciate his honesty and grow up responsible and cool without having any ill-feelings whatsoever toward their father. NO. Trust me, I hate days when my father's been drinking, which is like almost everyday. He drinks everyday but he doesn't get drunk everyday. And when he does I just want to go away. Thus the deja vu of my seventeen-year-old Sunday afternoon. i AM ranting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Except that C just texted, ruining the momentum of this post. I'm sorry, I gotta call him up. It has been a depressing week for everyone.
HOLD.
Heh. I forgot that I have an unfinished blog post. C's down. What can I do to cheer him up? I'm as depressed as he is. Bah. Anyway.
I just want to say that I don't like handling drunk fathers. Nobody does. So why don't you, fathers of the world, stop being such alcoholics and be good? NO, you can't be a good father and an alcoholic at the same time. My friend J thinks that he can though. He believes that if he's honest to his sons about his drinking and smoking and if he does it in front of them they would appreciate his honesty and grow up responsible and cool without having any ill-feelings whatsoever toward their father. NO. Trust me, I hate days when my father's been drinking, which is like almost everyday. He drinks everyday but he doesn't get drunk everyday. And when he does I just want to go away. Thus the deja vu of my seventeen-year-old Sunday afternoon. i AM ranting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
25.9.10
I CAN HAZ A JOB
I've got a job. Part-time. But still, it's a job. Will start on the first of October. Will probably delete this blog once I am able to get a life. Can't wait.
Last night was war, BTW. Awesome, awesome party. Free-flowing drinks and friends almost rhyme!
Last night was war, BTW. Awesome, awesome party. Free-flowing drinks and friends almost rhyme!
20.9.10
MESS
Mess. Life. Mess. Life.
That's about all there is.
I will see my bestfriend tomorrow. She's back from the World Expo.
That's about all there is.
I will see my bestfriend tomorrow. She's back from the World Expo.
18.9.10
Last Nite: The C and J Bromance Story
The other night, C and I were at B's. Drank a little, smoked a lot. Then I went to A's after, still high as fuck. I felt like crashing so I just stayed there even though he had to leave for work. Thus the rant post yesterday.
Went to (or gatecrashed?) a birthday last night. C's cousin invited us (the one that we were with at the Ska Fest). But C said the celebrant actually invited us through his cousin. ANYWAY. Was actually feeling lazy to go out because it jusht feelsh sho good to curl up on the bed on a wainy night. Aww. Whatever, I still went anyway with C and J. It was okay. There weren't any food left when we got there but there were still enough alcohol to go around. The birthday celebrant is supposed to be the son of a famous 90's musician, so it was like a jam party. They had an electric guitar and a bass guitar set up, and also a cajon. People took turns jamming (I really hate that word). When it was C and J's turn, it was CRAZY, like everybody loved them crazy. It was kind of cool, I guess. You know what happens next. They played the entire night alternating with the guitar and the bass, people singing along from time to time when they happen to know the song. And then there was this girl who was ogling at C the whole night. He's got an admireeeer. Ha ha! Okay, so maybe C and J really are good together. Never really took them seriously, honestly. They've been in the band scene too long, you know, with different bands. But now that they're together in the same band I think it might actually work.
Went to (or gatecrashed?) a birthday last night. C's cousin invited us (the one that we were with at the Ska Fest). But C said the celebrant actually invited us through his cousin. ANYWAY. Was actually feeling lazy to go out because it jusht feelsh sho good to curl up on the bed on a wainy night. Aww. Whatever, I still went anyway with C and J. It was okay. There weren't any food left when we got there but there were still enough alcohol to go around. The birthday celebrant is supposed to be the son of a famous 90's musician, so it was like a jam party. They had an electric guitar and a bass guitar set up, and also a cajon. People took turns jamming (I really hate that word). When it was C and J's turn, it was CRAZY, like everybody loved them crazy. It was kind of cool, I guess. You know what happens next. They played the entire night alternating with the guitar and the bass, people singing along from time to time when they happen to know the song. And then there was this girl who was ogling at C the whole night. He's got an admireeeer. Ha ha! Okay, so maybe C and J really are good together. Never really took them seriously, honestly. They've been in the band scene too long, you know, with different bands. But now that they're together in the same band I think it might actually work.
17.9.10
Alone in someone else's room with only the internet and a pack of cigarettes to keep me sane
DO NOT READ.
A company just rejected my work.
Actually, no, they were just asking for a revision. And I, I don't know what to feel. Just months ago another company rejected me after giving them a really good work, sweat, blood, tears and all (I worked REALLY hard) just because they felt I was too mechanical and didn't really luuuuuuuurve the job as much as they'd want me to. And they did not even have the hairy balls to deny that I was good. Because I was.
I mean. I am trying. Okay? This is a compromise. Of me trying to put up with your system and at the same time doing what I think is right. I wouldn't go as far as "going down with the program", fucktards. Say what you want about me but I do have my principles and I stand by them.
A company just rejected my work.
Actually, no, they were just asking for a revision. And I, I don't know what to feel. Just months ago another company rejected me after giving them a really good work, sweat, blood, tears and all (I worked REALLY hard) just because they felt I was too mechanical and didn't really luuuuuuuurve the job as much as they'd want me to. And they did not even have the hairy balls to deny that I was good. Because I was.
I mean. I am trying. Okay? This is a compromise. Of me trying to put up with your system and at the same time doing what I think is right. I wouldn't go as far as "going down with the program", fucktards. Say what you want about me but I do have my principles and I stand by them.
There's no such thing as art for art's sake, Mao said. And he's right. But that does not mean that I would use it to save your big multinational bourgeois corporations' asses. It means the exact opposite.
16.9.10
Cuckooroookooo ARRRRGGHHHH
One more thing I hate about this place, our neighbor's got chickens. Real live cuckooing chickens. And they're cuckooing right now. At fifteen minutes before four. While I'm watching Skins. GREAT.
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