P and I were supposed to go on a lunch date today but he woke up late so we rain checked. I don't mind, I know that he's busy and exhausted from everyday's rehearsals but I just thought it would be my little bit of feel good to see him just for a second, to get me through the day and even the week.
I imagine if I was in a better mood I would have insisted that I see him before his rehearsals even without lunch, but I'm down and have no capacity to make such happy decisions. I know I underestimate myself but I have learned that the best way to deal with this mood is to let it pass and just do my best to survive while I'm in the midst of it.
Maybe I shouldn't pour out my feelings to him so much yet. I don't want to scare him off. Everything in proper time.
Also, I have so much work to finish I really can't afford to stay here and wallow. I'll probably just end up watching Downton Abbey. Problem with my parents' house though is the shitty internet connection that I will have to make do with because really, I have to get my shit together and petty problems like these should not even deserve a spot in this blog.
i wish the weather would just clear up for a few days. I need my sunshine to recharge. I need my focus, my super-working-power.
Oh dear, I wish I'm making the best decision right now.
And I really have to start filling out my mood diary and also just grow the fuck up.
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