There's So Much to Say

I tried, really.

I was able force myself out of the house. But instead of going to CCP to watch Amok with a friend, I ended up watching Niño alone at Greenbelt. What happened was, a lot of people suddenly wanted to tag along and I, being overly stupid and emotional, wasn't really in the mood to hang around with people. The thought of having to smile all the time, answering questions and laughing at their jokes was enough to send me crawling back to my shell. Now I feel bad because I flaked on my friend. Then again, it was he who invited all those people! I wanted to see him after the screening but he didn't respond to my text. Should I say sorry or do you think it's no big deal? I'm so bad at this stuff.

In other news, Niño turned out great! Such beautiful direction. :)

I guess I really am not ready to go out there. I'm not being an escapist here. I just want to take things slow. I don't want to be caught by surprise and end up holing up again. I want to regain my trust in human relationships. I still think that not all relationships are doomed but somehow that's how I feel. I feel like I can't trust anyone although I believe that this is not true. My heart says no, no, no, be careful or prepare for a crash-and-burn but my mind says, some important people in my life (whom I love) may have left but that doesn't mean that people will keep leaving. I want to believe this. I want to believe in BFFs and growing old together. Now that's me being romantic (and being a huge Harry-Ron-Hermione friendship fan. LOL.) In reality, people come and go, and I need to get that to my head. My separation issue roots itself from anecdotal history dating back to my childhood. I know I sound like I'm sick in the head, but it's actually perfectly normal to have separation issues as it is to have dependency issues.

2011, I HATE YOU.