Sometimes

Sometimes I want to tell you exactly what you did to me. How much you have hurt me. How you broke me. How I can never get proper sleep. I want to tell you how I get nightmares, waking up in sweat. How I can never trust anyone anymore. How I lost my friends, my self-esteem, my life, all at the same time. How I'm mending every bit of my soul one. by. one. How I try my best to step out the door but always end up crawling back in bed. How I gave my all to you, not sparing myself with anything. How it ended so badly. How my faith in love, in friendship, was shattered. How I nudge questions about you, about me. How I always long for someone to talk to but never having the guts to Buzz them. How I'm afraid. Afraid of everything, everyone. How I am now. This. How I can never tell you this. Because this, is how much I still care for you.