I feel like I have to get this off my chest before I start working again.
This is the only thing I know. This is what I think I do best. If I'm not doing it right then it means I don't have anything to live for.
See, it has taken me a long time to get to this. I've tried almost everything. Took odd jobs, non-credited courses in college, tried learning new things, but to no avail. Now I have this, it's not much, you can't even call it a career, but it is, in one way or another, a job. It is something one has to do. It is the dirty work. To sum it up, in a production, I do the work nobody else wants to. To still come off as the bad guy is something I just need to accept. Because there is no other way.
But why was I affected when B told me that I'm a bitch when working? I try my best not to be. But I have to keep things in sync, else they'll fall apart. Or so I think. Maybe nobody needs me. Maybe anybody can do this job, they just don't want to. Maybe I'm just kidding myself that I'm good at what I do.
I don't have the will to live anymore. I don't feel like killing myself but I want to quit everything and reinvent myself again. I'm good at that. No point in dying when you can live as another person.
Right now though I need to earn money so I need to get back to work even though my body doesn't want to.
I'll find something else to do. Maybe production isn't for me.
