So I kind of broke my phone I think. I'm not sure how it happened but it's driving me nuts. Just the thought of F texting and me not being able to read the message makes me want to throw a fit. But I must deal with it with impeccable grace. Nobody likes a whiner. This mercury retrograde will soon pass.
I'm not sure what would be more disappointing, not being able to read his message or him not texting.
trying hard -- and everything else that I am but would never admit. Everything here is random and straight, no chaser. There's only one rule: No thinking twice. My existence skinned, x-rayed and CT scanned.
5.7.13
Dancing With Myself
I'm just feeling really heartbroken right now. I can't take it that I can't get what I want. I think, more than anything else, that's what irks me. I guess part of being Bipolar is being raised a spoiled brat. Or is it the other way around? You grow up acting like a spoiled brat because you're Bipolar? Man. Anyway, I want it and I want it now. I shouldn't have delayed. What was I expecting, some form of itimacy? Please. All guys really want is to get into a girl's pants. I don't know where the love things come from anymore. I think that just happens eventually once you've built intimacy and yes, dependence. So what is this I'm feeling then? Does it mean that I have another motive other than the sex? Was I expecting to date him? I guess I was bit expecting, huh? Why can't I live a normal promiscuous life? Why do I always have to get feelings involved? I guess I just find it more exciting when you really like each other or at least pretend that you like each other than when what you really want is to hook up. I guess that's romantic. But romantic is romantic for a reason. Believe me, romantic is exciting.
I guess what I really want is a constant companion that I can fuck.
Get a grip, man.
And I miss him, I miss him so badly. I want it. I want to devour his existence one second and cuddle with him the next. The previous one drived me wild, but this one's different; he drives me crazy. Now I get what Britney Spears was talking about. I can't stop thinking about him 24/7. I even dream about it. And yes, in spite of all this, I don't want him as a boyfriend. I just want him.
Now I think he might have thought that I broke up with my ex because of him and he got paranoid. Well, that would explain how he had gone MIA all of a sudden. My life sucks. I have already broken up with that toxic guy and he still brings me misery. Damn.
Now I'm angry.
And I'm chatting with a cute guy. Bye.
I guess what I really want is a constant companion that I can fuck.
Get a grip, man.
And I miss him, I miss him so badly. I want it. I want to devour his existence one second and cuddle with him the next. The previous one drived me wild, but this one's different; he drives me crazy. Now I get what Britney Spears was talking about. I can't stop thinking about him 24/7. I even dream about it. And yes, in spite of all this, I don't want him as a boyfriend. I just want him.
Now I think he might have thought that I broke up with my ex because of him and he got paranoid. Well, that would explain how he had gone MIA all of a sudden. My life sucks. I have already broken up with that toxic guy and he still brings me misery. Damn.
Now I'm angry.
And I'm chatting with a cute guy. Bye.
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