Pathetic

Okay. So nagnilay-nilay ako nang slight at napagtanto kong medyo pathetic 'tong pinagdadaanan ko. Therefore ititigil ko na ang pangungunsinti sa feels ko at hahayaang mangyari ang mga pwedeng mangyari. Kung wala man e di wala.

Tinatamad na ako kay F. Minsan natutuwa ako sa pagiging pa-girl n'ya (sexist ako minsan), kaso minsan naman ayoko ng alagain. S'ya ang pinakabata sa lahat.

Ayokong i-push si M. Ayoko lang. Nakakatamad at maraming kumplikasyon.

Si B? Gusto ko s'ya kaso hindi ko s'ya matantsa. E-effort pa ba 'ko? 'Wag na, dadagdag pa ako sa bagahe n'ya.

Gusto ko si A. Masarap s'yang kausap at magaan kasama. And at least may linu-look forward ako sa sembreak dahil sa kanya. Yikee.

Sometimes I wish you were at least 2 years older than you are right now

Don't get me wrong. I like you, you're perfectly beautiful, glitches and all. But I've got too much on my plate and I don't know if I could fit you right in, maybe by the edge, right beside pre-prod meetings and event plannings. See? That's my life, full of boring responsibilities, complications, and a bunch of adult crap. I'm too much baggage for your relatively young life.

Sometimes I feel like I should go back to my regular job, because really, I have nothing to prove, so what do I get from all of these production work? I'd rather stick to personal and passion projects than work for the pseudo-"New Wave Independent" film industry, much less for the commercial industry.

I swear I will get this new film project done and over with as smoothly as I can then I will go back to my regular programming. Do what I've always done and wanted to do, to live for life itself. I have so many things I want to do! I want to create! I think I've done enough helping people actualize their dreams, I should take a step for mine.

I'm sorry, self, for the title, was just thinking about him before I wrote the post and it evolved to something else entirely.