I always have this kind of days every summer, when I just lose control and you-know-whatelse's.
So, it was my housemate's birthday last week and of course we gave her a surprise party on our rooftop, food, drinking games, and all. It was 90s themed and it was WILD. Good wild, y'know. Everybody was just happy and dancing and drunk and I just French exited. Just like that.
Immediately after I went out, I texted my girl bestie and my gay bestie (who are also my housemates) that I went out and that I would be back. Apparently, nobody received/read it so they just panicked because I had gone missing. In truth, I was with two guy friends. It was a wholesome thing, don't worry. Slept over, dropped, smoked and drank. But the Vs got the better of us and we ended up not finishing our second bottle of Grande (beer). Dropped almost as good as dead but just really fucking slept like babies. There were hugs, and a feel here and there. But obviously, it was nothing. Wouldn't be blabbing about it if it was something. Bleagh.
Went to guy-who-used-to-be-a-bestie-now-a-HuBu's house. Stayed a bit. Boys played NBA2K. And me, I just stayed. I was too high to notice that they were boring the amats out of me anyway.
HuBu-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named went out to meet with the girlfriend. Left us three. We went out immediately after anyway. Rode a taxi to a friend's flat. Someone I hadn't seen for a very long time. She now has a baby. Father's a "royal blood", if you know what I mean, high up above the socio-cultural-economic ladder. So yeah, they're separated.
We stayed at the place getting high, getting drunk, and just enjoying ourselves to the moon and back rocking each other's socks. And of course taking care of the baby. Gives me goosebumps whenever I recall that creepy Trainspotting scene. Anyway, loads of fun. Went home Friday, went back to their place again Saturday. Then went home Tuesday. It got tiring. And really, afterwards, when I was starting to sober up, I realized, the whole friendship, it was all based on amats, y'know. It wasn't real, was it?
So, of course, I, the vulnerable one with low self-worth went crashing and is still crashing. Things start and end just like that. Just sad how people can just take other people for granted and not realize it and still be happy together anyway. I wish I could just enjoy it. Being young and being able to do these things. Because it really is (or was), honestly, fun, awesome, great, spectacular even!
So I used to not know what I want, but at least I knew what I didn't want. Now I'm clueless.
(Typed this with at least 100 WPM straight up, no chaser! Crazy.)
