I figured now is the time to say something.
I've been spiraling. I'm trying to figure things out. So far I'm stagnant; a breeding ground for everything not wanted.
In other news, C and I bumped into L and his girlfriend last Feb 14. In C's words, "What are the odds?" One important thing, I've always known that it was going to happen sooner or later, in one way or another. I had played the possible scenarios in my head maybe more than a couple of times before. But then, when it happened, I didn't exactly act nicely. I did high-five him back, and (barely) shook the hand (in the coldest way) offered by his girlfriend, and then proceeded on ignoring them the next couple of minutes. C is the best. I honestly admire how congenial he can be (despite how evil he thinks he is/can be.) He was perfectly civil, nice, and all-smiles to the two. Thank goodness I have him. (I love you!)
Now, the next thing I would be babbling about would be how I kind of feel guilty for purposely ignoring them and being "mataray", but truthfully, that was what I was felt at the time. I'm not trained in masking my emotions, and my face is just naturally expressive.
I realize now that the only reason I didn't act pleasant because I am just not. Introduce me to whoever for the first time and guaranteed, he or she'll get an I-Ignore-You-Get-Out-Of-My-Face treatment. (Miserably enough, pretending to be enthusiastic about something isn't my specialty.) Pure and simple.
Now, the issue with "L". I would still want to be friends with him someday but only until C feels comfortable with it. Until then, I will continue ignoring the person. He had already gotten everything he wanted. Story ends there I suppose.
Just had to get these out of my thoughts. He was special, in a purely platonic way. And this, is not easy. But I'm taking C's advice, acceptance is key. All I need is time, and guess what, I got a handful right now.
It's not easy to lose a friend, and even less to let go of the friendship, but it can be done. I am not being emotional here, it just is true. I'm happy (depressed sometimes, but that's me) and obviously he is too. I'm not getting in the way of that.
I need a bestfriend. Anyone?
(Typed under the influence of Tita V so forgive me. Eyelids are weighing down. Can't double check. Goodbye for now.)
