Soulmate

(i picked the wrong time for doing this post but seize the emotion, right?)

i should have seen it. i should have read the clues. i should have known. i should have. could have. would have. but i didn't. i just didn't. i had let my pride push you away. i understand now. it wasn't your fault. it never was. it was mine and still is.

genuinely, i am happy for you. you and her. you deserve happiness. i would never take that away from you. after all, i just want the friendship back. we were soulmates. thought that was forever. thought we were. thought that after everything, we grew strong. but we didn't. we crumbled. we could have done something. but we didn't. and that's where it ends. we could have done something. but no. we didn't.

how could i had let my bestfriend be the one that got away? i miss you.

(didn't have the courage to publish this last night. saved it to my drafts. bleagh. whatever. i was sleep-deprived and depressed.)

Recovery

I am frustrated that I deleted everything I wrote about/for "L" from that other blog! I wasted time writing those. Those weren't just drafts and random blabbering, it took me time to write them. Jeebus Crust. I don't care that they're about him. It's just that I could use it right now. Change it a bit and make it to something nice.

Oh, the things we delete when we're depressed.

Slow Mo

Everything in slow motion

We almost put our lips together, then we hesitate

I move my body against yours

Your hands on my waist

Everything in slow motion

We knit our bodies, together

I hold myself out in front you

You tease my hair, pull my head back

Everything in slow motion

You turn me around with a sweet touch of force

You brush your body against mine

Slightly touching, tracing

A pinch, a stroke

a finger

made me moan.

Lovestoned.

Not Prose

as I think of colors swirling
overlapping, blurring each other
i make out of it
a silhouette of
you
a sharp, clear view
of you

the outline stretched out in words
of something I wrote
something
something about
this one being the real one
the complex and the absurd
the difficult
endless, spiral

and then the yellow pink red blue
they spread above me
and beyond me and cover ahead
like huge majestic wings
and being trapped below
was just
the highest
the spectacular
cinematic, endless, spiral
sways, dances
i'm not getting out of here

Somebody's in love

C and I spent some quality time today.

And the wall crumbled.

This feeling, makes it all bearable. I live for this feeling. No matter what I (or others) say or do, I'll always have this feeling to go back to. Everything else is forgotten. Loose ends are suddenly tied. What ifs become dreams and challenges of what tomorrow might hold.

I don't know what I'm talking about here. I find it seriously difficult to express myself when I'm happy.