Hanggang Kailan

Hindi ko alam kung may pagka-masokista ba ako, sadyang mabait lang, o isang malaking tanga. Sinasabi ng karelasyon ko palagi na hindi ko dapat iniintindi ang sinasabi ng ibang tao. Paano kung nakikita kong genuinely concerned lang talaga ang ibang tao? Hindi ba sila naman ang nakikita in a broader sense at mas objectively sa nangyayari sa buhay ko? Paano kung sinasabi nilang masyado na akong nahihirapan at na-ho-hold back, and at the same time 'yon din naman ang nararamdaman ko talaga? Makikinig pa rin ba ako sa karelasyon ko na mag-focus sa positive? Paano kung nahihirapan na talaga ako? 'Yung totoo talaga? Paano ko ipapaliwanag sa karelasyon ko? Paano ko sasabihing hindi sapat ang pag-ibig? Na hindi sapat ang paglalambingan, pagyayakapan, at paghaharutan para masabing masigla ang isang relasyon? Paano ko pilit ipapaliwanag ang mga bagay na hindi naman n'ya pinaniniwalaan? Paano pa ako magpapaliwanag kung paulit-ulit na ang mga paliwanag?

For Personal Use

Since I am a person who needs to write her thoughts down in order to make sense of things, I have to take a step back for a while and write this. It helps to pretend that I'm talking to someone.

I am currently line producing a friend's film thesis and we weren't able to produce enough money for the film for reasons irrelevant to this post and, therefore, I do not need to mention. Last week, I initiated to organize a fund-raising gig for the film and of course, being myself, I did it alone.

We are two weeks away from the first shooting day (August 5) and I still haven't found any individual/org/company that's willing to sponsor the band equipment for the event. Of course I can move the event to a bar, but that wouldn't solve a thing because I would still need to pay the bar. Or I can look for a venue that has band equipment but would be willing to let us use the place for free or with minimal "bar guarantee."

Option 1:

Push through with the event on August 2

Move the event to a bar w/ available band equipment

Look for a bar with minimal "bar guarantee"

Entrance fee of P150

Option 2:

Move the event until after the shoot

Proceed with original plan of an open area

Market drink sponsors, equipment sponsors, merchandise sponsors, etc.

Free entrance

(Downside: No cash produced for the shoot)

I can't think of any other options right now.

I don't know how to open this problem to the film's crew since everyone's busy with their own tasks. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

So far, I need to do the following things for this film:

-coordinate for location hunt

-contact this certain NGO for possibility of a tie-up

-contact SILIP

-contact MC

-look for catering sponsor

-look for transportation sponsor

-look for band equipment

-media partners

-follow up on solicitations

Okay, now that that's settled in my brain. I also need to market the other webseries project with another group.

-list of funding institutions with deadlines this month and the next

-compile requirements for grant requests 

I'll deal with third project "later part in life."

Sorry, I just needed this written down. Sigh.