Somehow I feel like I should write about this just so I can finally put it out there, but on the other hand if i put it into writing, it would make it real. As if it can get any more real than this. If I write about it, it means that I accept that, indeed, it scares me. That I have to face it, and do something about it. That I have to decide -- if "it" really is there inside me, will I keep it?
In the past, I've always been decisive that if it does happen to me, I'd opt for what I think is the more sensible decision considering the circumstance, because I know that I am not ready for it, I am not stable enough for it. But now that it is actually happening, I am not so sure anymore.
But really, I should take the test first.
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