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On Bloggin

Finding it hard to start even a short blog post these days. I miss ink and paper too much.

TTFN MNL

Truth is, I'm nervous. It's a bit scary to be going away for five days with people who are practically strangers. And really, this is not the best time of the month, if you know what I mean. Buuuut I shall make the most out of this. I shall have fun.

I shall not think (much) of the people and friendships I miss. I shall leave all my worries and baggage behind. I shall take a time off (while working, of course) from all of this, whatever this is. I shall not bitch about anything. I shall find inner peace.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Not with a fizzle, but with a bang

Know what, if you don't want to be my friend, fine. I just have to make the most of what's left of my life now. Meet new people, work hard, see new places, keep things positive.

I'm not going to do what I used to: avoiding confrontations, escaping, carrying a heart of hard, cold stone. This time I'm not going to stop giving a fuck. I'm not unfriending anyone and I won't roll my eyes when I hear your names. What I'm going to do is I'm going to stop doing things my way.  I know where I went wrong and it's up to me to make things right. I'm going to try to be nicer and happier.

I hope that eventually this would make me a  better person and friend.

"Inner peace."

❝ I WILL NOT RESENT, I WILL NOT BLAME YOU, FOR YOUR CALLOUSED HEART, SOMETIMES THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO CONTINUE. …BUT I WILL KEEP FEELING, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME, BECAUSE APATHY IS NOT LIVING ❞ -Renee Yohe

Playing Catch-Up with Thyself

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, cowgirl. Next thing I know you'll be flying to London trying your luck as a high-class call girl.

But I like it fast. I get a certain high when life twirls me around and drives me crazy. I just came back from Tarlac two days ago out of a spontaneous "raket" and I'm leaving again on Monday for Camarines Sur for the Ad Congress.

Maybe this is really what I should be doing--that is, not settling. Who was I kidding when I went for the normal, boring life? I know it wouldn't work out well for me but I wanted to give it a try. I'll probably give it a try again in a few months as even I can't predict my whims. Yes, whims. I am used to acting on whims. Going to different places, doing different things, earning, and not saving. I like it bohemian, like you.

So for now, I will deprive myself of rest and Imma live it fast. And because I don't have to answer anybody I'll get all the rest (and partying) I want and need when I get back. Maybe.

Warning: RAAAAANT

Ito 'yung isa mga panahong gustung-gusto ko lang talagang umamats. Ang dekadente at ang junkie pakinggan pero, wala e, live fast and die young. That was the plan, at least. Anong nangyari, D?

Sobrang fucked up ng 2011. Sobrang daming masasalimuot na pangyayari na pinilit ko namang ayusin, pero mukhang may mga bagay na ganoon na lang talaga. Sabi ko nga gusto ko na lang sana ng normal at boring na buhay pero mukhang hindi na ipagkakaloob sa 'kin 'yun unless bitawan ko lahat ng bagahe at magsimula ulit. As in simula.

Sa tingin ko kaya ko naman kung tutuusin. Ang mawala sa 'kin lahat ng 'to? Hindi ko ikamamatay. Sa umpisa siguradong mahirap, pero alam kong kaya naman. Nasa paggawa ng kondisyon naman 'yan. Ang iniisip ko lang naman ay ang mga taong involved.

Unang-una si L (see previous posts), mabait lang talaga s'yang tao. Pinagsisisihin n'ya 'yung nangyari sa 'min. Hindi kaya ng pagkatao (at pride na rin siguro) n'ya na mayroon s'yang hindi kasundong tao sa mundong ito kaya rin nagkabati kami agad. Masyado s'yang pa-cool para maging kupal sa taong walang ginawa kundi maging mabait sa kanya. Oo, pa-cool din s'ya. Masaya na s'ya sa  kanyang perfectly crafted little world ngayon, bakit ko pa guguluhin? Maging accessory na lang ako at maging kaibigan sa kung anong paraang convenient sa kanya.

Pangalawa si C, hindi naman madaling iwan na lang basta-basta ang taong nakasama mo na sa langit at lusak nang mahigit dalawang taon. Mahal ko rin naman 'yung tao. At hindi ko ma-imagine kung ano kaya ang mga kaya n'yang gawin kung sakaling iwan ko s'ya. Alam kong sisirain n'ya rin ang lahat. Kung lalayo ako sa kanya, makabubuting lumayo na ako sa lahat.

Sabi ng marami kong kaibigan, hindi na maibabalik sa dati. Hindi na rin magbabago pa patungo sa mas mabuti. Magiging ganito na lang ka-kumplikado palagi kaya mas mabuti pang palayain ko na lang ang sarili ko. At least sarili ko man lang maisalba ko.

Sana sila na lang ang maunang sumuko. Sana magalit na lang sila sa 'kin at 'wag na 'kong kibuin. Hindi ko kayang kusang lumayo.

The Devil Can't Afford Prada

Gera? Slash that.
Palawan? Nah.
Backpacking in Aurora? Meh.

My last day at work was supposedly last Thursday and they swore they would release my pay the day after, but since they practically begged me to stay until today so I can "train" the new EAs, I did not get a cent. It was unfair and, needless to say, illegal (Hello, Labor Code?) but I thought, sure, fine, let's do this, just one last favor and I am out of here.

Today I just found out that they won't be giving my almost two months worth of pay until the 15th. "Baka 15."  was the exact reply I got. Holy jeebus crust motherfudge! I am so infuriated I can't even begin--

My own anger isn't enough to express how angry I should be. So just empathize and be angry with me. Maybe all our anger will harness all the forces in the land and the cosmos, and create a ray-gun that would destroy corporate greed along with my, ehem, horrible bosses. But as I do not believe in karma, someone has to do something about this. Maybe I will, when I'm not too lazy.

In the meantime, be angry with me.

Dahil sa Totoo Lang, Ayokong Pumasok Bukas

Last night was a warm-up for my week-long (or two-week-long?) gera. Did what I usually did. Drank and took whatever. But I am proud to say that I did everything with grace (or close enough, at least). I think I've had enough of walwalan. Honestly, it's more fun when you don't have to crawl your way into the restroom and  try to barf into the toilet bowl only to miss. I am also proud to announce that it was a sin-free night. Tralalalalalalala. Oh, I missed this.

But anyway, I still have to go back to work tomorrow. Else, they won't give me my pay. Fucking unbelievable. They were even expecting me to transcribe a two-hour interview over the long weekend. Mukha n'yo, hello? Hindi ko nga ginawa.

Leaving that company might just have been the wisest decision I made this year..

AYOKONG PUMASOK BUKAS, NYETA.