16.7.11
Back to Square One
I don't think I'll be able to live up to my goal of going out on Sunday. I'm too down. All because of a wee chat convo the other night. Grrrrrrrreat.
15.7.11
It Has to be Said.
Comparing what you feel/felt for/with me to what you feel/felt for/with her, not cool.
14.7.11
I'm Not Calling You a Liar
There are days when I wish that I was a better liar. White lies are fine sometimes--rarely--but I tell it so bad. My truthfulness has placed me in a lot of inconvenient scenarios, to say the least. Times when I can't tell the truth, I keep my mouth shut. Though moments come when I feel compelled to lie and they just come out of my mouth, but I eventually tell the truth anyway, given the chance, so I still inevitably meet my inconvenient fate.
But when I think of people who lie and people who are worse, everything turns around. I forget this pointless aspiration of mine of becoming a professional liar. Liars are pretentious and pretentious people are liars. Even people who pretend to like you are liars, even the ones who tell you stories about the people they hate are liars. Hey, a little twist of the story here and there makes it sound better. Makes the storyteller receive more empathy. When one is very emotional, sometimes s/he can't control what comes out of his/her mouth or his/her thoughts. Okay, I get that, I can live with that. Still, I'd rather be objective and careful when talking to other people about other people. That's why I have this blog anyway, for the emotional stuff.
So, clearly, there are people who I may not hate but I would never envy nor ever want to be like.
A:
I've got nothing to prove nor explain to you, Your Fatness. I am a good person and do not usually do this (write cyberly about a hater) but I just have to let this out of my system. Hate me all you want, but everybody knows, I never did anything even close to remotely hurt you. I can be a snob (I'm sure I was never to you) but I always have good intentions and never speak ill of anybody if only for that reason. You will stay on my ignore list until that day I decide what to do with you. Be grateful. Cheers.
(Saved this in Drafts on 1/8/11. My feelings and opinion of you still remain.)
B:
No, you don't have everything. Pretending that you do makes me want to BE TRUTHFUL to everyone and tell them what your life is really like. Bad-mouthing me doesn't make you a better person either. Don't think you are reformed. You have done far worse things than I--dirty, disgusting things I would never dream of doing. To makes mistakes and to do bad things intentionally are two entirely different things.
C:
Know what? You're of no help. Keep your mouth shut. Sew it up if needed. It's this simple: I know what you did last summer.
D:
To the storytellers. It's none of my business. They're your friends. Of course they'll sympathize. But I just want to say that I feel bad and you have probably also hurt other people by telling what you feel about them to other people. So, it's your thing. Whatever.
E:
To the friends. I don't hate you. Not at all. I was happy, so happy to have lived you. You are not liars either. But I had to leave. I need my peace.
---
It doesn't end here.
But when I think of people who lie and people who are worse, everything turns around. I forget this pointless aspiration of mine of becoming a professional liar. Liars are pretentious and pretentious people are liars. Even people who pretend to like you are liars, even the ones who tell you stories about the people they hate are liars. Hey, a little twist of the story here and there makes it sound better. Makes the storyteller receive more empathy. When one is very emotional, sometimes s/he can't control what comes out of his/her mouth or his/her thoughts. Okay, I get that, I can live with that. Still, I'd rather be objective and careful when talking to other people about other people. That's why I have this blog anyway, for the emotional stuff.
So, clearly, there are people who I may not hate but I would never envy nor ever want to be like.
A:
I've got nothing to prove nor explain to you, Your Fatness. I am a good person and do not usually do this (write cyberly about a hater) but I just have to let this out of my system. Hate me all you want, but everybody knows, I never did anything even close to remotely hurt you. I can be a snob (I'm sure I was never to you) but I always have good intentions and never speak ill of anybody if only for that reason. You will stay on my ignore list until that day I decide what to do with you. Be grateful. Cheers.
(Saved this in Drafts on 1/8/11. My feelings and opinion of you still remain.)
B:
No, you don't have everything. Pretending that you do makes me want to BE TRUTHFUL to everyone and tell them what your life is really like. Bad-mouthing me doesn't make you a better person either. Don't think you are reformed. You have done far worse things than I--dirty, disgusting things I would never dream of doing. To makes mistakes and to do bad things intentionally are two entirely different things.
C:
Know what? You're of no help. Keep your mouth shut. Sew it up if needed. It's this simple: I know what you did last summer.
D:
To the storytellers. It's none of my business. They're your friends. Of course they'll sympathize. But I just want to say that I feel bad and you have probably also hurt other people by telling what you feel about them to other people. So, it's your thing. Whatever.
E:
To the friends. I don't hate you. Not at all. I was happy, so happy to have lived you. You are not liars either. But I had to leave. I need my peace.
---
It doesn't end here.
Life Plan
Varekai is ending on the 24th and I seem to still not find the will to look for a new job. What I want really is to have a vacation after this gig, but I also need to think about my sister and my brothers. Oh, life. :(
---
Why do some people have to make things complicated? Here I am, trying my best to move on (it's no easy goal) and suddenly he chats me up. Everything he says just makes things harder than they already are.
Just leave me alone. Please.
---
Why do some people have to make things complicated? Here I am, trying my best to move on (it's no easy goal) and suddenly he chats me up. Everything he says just makes things harder than they already are.
Just leave me alone. Please.
13.7.11
Getting The Hang of It
There are still the occasional pangs in my heart especially during night time when I get home tired and with no one to talk to but hey, I think I'll be fine. Eventually, yes.
I think I'm ready to go out now., like somewhere that is not home or work. I think I'll start on Sunday. I can do this, yeah?! Woo-hoo!
I think I'm ready to go out now., like somewhere that is not home or work. I think I'll start on Sunday. I can do this, yeah?! Woo-hoo!
12.7.11
11.7.11
Summer Took My Youth With It
These days I really would just rather stay home and sulk. I'm glad that because of Varekai I still find the willpower to get out of the house everyday. I've also started reading again, even when I'm just traveling on my way to and from work. I wish I have an on-call friend though. I'd settle for a dog but I'm not allowed one in the house because I have a baby brother. See, I'm living with my parents again. It's a long story I'm not entirely psyched to tell at the moment. Yes, it has got to do with C. I lost my friends. Maybe partly it was of my own choosing. Maybe I didn't have to lose them. I am just so tiiiiiiired. I've been carrying the people around me for a very long time. It's about time I take care of myself. So, my job is all I have now and it too will be gone in two weeks' time. I don't know what's going to happen to me when that moment comes. I don't want to think about it yet. I just want to rest my soul from all the vexations. Sabeeeeeeeeehhh?!
10.7.11
5.7.11
New Book
I bought a new book yesterday (my day off). A circus novel aimed to young adult readers. As if I have time to read.
Seriously Rethinking
my decisions.
I'm not sure if I really want to work two jobs anymore. Although I want to try how far I can go, I think it would be a waste of time and money if I just end up quitting at the end of the week. There are other jobs out there I can try getting into after Cirque.
Plus I need a lot of time by myself.
By taking this job, it is:
Monday: Errands
Tuesday to Friday: 0200 to 1100 - Writing job, 1900 to 0000 - Cirque
Saturday: 0200 to 1100 - Writing job, 1500 to 0000 - Cirque
Sunday: 1230 to 2130 - Cirque
But I want to:
* Heal - yoga, meditation
* Learn - dressmaking, DIYs, drawing
* Travel (and get cultured) - within Metro Manila in the meantime, like Chinatown and Hindu temple; go backpacking in the future
See my work schedule? Including travel time (with no traffic) I can get 5 hours sleep MAX from Mondays to Fridays, and no sleep at all on Saturdays.
I want to spend more time with myself but I think I need more money, plus I need the writing job experience and I would NEVER quit Cirque. I don't know.
I'm not sure if I really want to work two jobs anymore. Although I want to try how far I can go, I think it would be a waste of time and money if I just end up quitting at the end of the week. There are other jobs out there I can try getting into after Cirque.
Plus I need a lot of time by myself.
By taking this job, it is:
Monday: Errands
Tuesday to Friday: 0200 to 1100 - Writing job, 1900 to 0000 - Cirque
Saturday: 0200 to 1100 - Writing job, 1500 to 0000 - Cirque
Sunday: 1230 to 2130 - Cirque
But I want to:
* Heal - yoga, meditation
* Learn - dressmaking, DIYs, drawing
* Travel (and get cultured) - within Metro Manila in the meantime, like Chinatown and Hindu temple; go backpacking in the future
See my work schedule? Including travel time (with no traffic) I can get 5 hours sleep MAX from Mondays to Fridays, and no sleep at all on Saturdays.
I want to spend more time with myself but I think I need more money, plus I need the writing job experience and I would NEVER quit Cirque. I don't know.
4.7.11
29.6.11
Boo and Yey
BOO
I was late for work today. I disappoint myself. :(
YEY
Tonight's show was rockin'! Everybody's back in good health! Nobody was absent and everybody was in the groove! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME. The audience went wild! Good show, good show. :)
I was late for work today. I disappoint myself. :(
YEY
Tonight's show was rockin'! Everybody's back in good health! Nobody was absent and everybody was in the groove! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME. The audience went wild! Good show, good show. :)
27.6.11
Day Off!
The circus has been awesome, wonderful, fantastic. We're taking the day off because there's no show today. I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow though!
So last week, I learned so much that my head was spinning in circles. I had to learn the Big Track. What to do exactly at certain cues before, during, and after the show.
Last Thursday was crazy. I had to walk in, through, and out the flood just to get to work. I left for work before 5 PM and I arrived at 9. CRAZY.
I LOVE CDS!
So last week, I learned so much that my head was spinning in circles. I had to learn the Big Track. What to do exactly at certain cues before, during, and after the show.
Last Thursday was crazy. I had to walk in, through, and out the flood just to get to work. I left for work before 5 PM and I arrived at 9. CRAZY.
I LOVE CDS!
22.6.11
La la la la...
I got C a compli ticket for the Varekai show tonight. :)
I haven't drank, smoked, or taken any drug since I got into the Cirque. Lovelay. :)
I haven't drank, smoked, or taken any drug since I got into the Cirque. Lovelay. :)
21.6.11
Tomorrow: Cirque du Soleil
Or today.
E, I'm so excited I can't sleep (plus I'm also hungry).
See, I'm a big fan of Cirque du Soleil (and Cirque du Freak, and anything Cirque, really) so just imagine my disappointment when I learned that they're coming to Manila! I was disappointed because I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the tickets and there wasn't enough time to raise 10, 500 pesos. Life's tough, okay? But when there's SO much will, there are ways.
Like getting a job at the Cirque perhaps?
So yes, I am the new resident wardrobe assistant slash circus chimay and I couldn't be happier with the job. Can you believe? It's like "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" except that I'm the Wardrobe Assistant. Get it? Hahahahahahahahaha. Ha.
Anyway, their tent is HUGE and appears even more so inside. And when Larry Edwards, the wardrobe master uttered "Welcome." my knees literally shook from excitement. Since it's my first day I didn't have regular tasks so I was just given chores to show me around and to familiarize myself with the work places. Chores like ironing fairy skirts, fixing headdresses, polishing musicians' boots, washing white velvet shoes, and cleaning hawk-like headgears aren't really that bad. They are actually AWESOME chores, if you must know. But on the real show, on the 22nd, I actually will have a cooler job. He-he.
So like I said, later, I am not coming in to work. I am coming in at 7 PM to watch the show at 7:30 PM. Be jealous. Be very jealous.
Maybe there really is a Santa Claus and maybe this is an early Christmas gift to make up for the Christmas 2012 that isn't happening anymore because the world is ending on 12/23/12 and maybe, you know, just maybe I have been naughty but I'm still also really nice. SABEEEEEEH?!
E, I'm so excited I can't sleep (plus I'm also hungry).
See, I'm a big fan of Cirque du Soleil (and Cirque du Freak, and anything Cirque, really) so just imagine my disappointment when I learned that they're coming to Manila! I was disappointed because I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the tickets and there wasn't enough time to raise 10, 500 pesos. Life's tough, okay? But when there's SO much will, there are ways.
Like getting a job at the Cirque perhaps?
So yes, I am the new resident wardrobe assistant slash circus chimay and I couldn't be happier with the job. Can you believe? It's like "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" except that I'm the Wardrobe Assistant. Get it? Hahahahahahahahaha. Ha.
Anyway, their tent is HUGE and appears even more so inside. And when Larry Edwards, the wardrobe master uttered "Welcome." my knees literally shook from excitement. Since it's my first day I didn't have regular tasks so I was just given chores to show me around and to familiarize myself with the work places. Chores like ironing fairy skirts, fixing headdresses, polishing musicians' boots, washing white velvet shoes, and cleaning hawk-like headgears aren't really that bad. They are actually AWESOME chores, if you must know. But on the real show, on the 22nd, I actually will have a cooler job. He-he.
So like I said, later, I am not coming in to work. I am coming in at 7 PM to watch the show at 7:30 PM. Be jealous. Be very jealous.
Maybe there really is a Santa Claus and maybe this is an early Christmas gift to make up for the Christmas 2012 that isn't happening anymore because the world is ending on 12/23/12 and maybe, you know, just maybe I have been naughty but I'm still also really nice. SABEEEEEEH?!
Vareika!
I was just at Wonderland. Cirque du Soleil is amazing, amazing, AMAZING. Tomorrow I don't have to work on anything, I just have to watch the show (dress rehearsal/media night) because our wardrobe master says that we have to watch it so that we know what we're working on. Aren't they the best?!
Really, which would you choose, your dream job or a high-paying regular steady job?
DREAM JOB FTEW!
Really, which would you choose, your dream job or a high-paying regular steady job?
DREAM JOB FTEW!
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