oh my god, you're a human, use your brain

i have so many rants that i can't tweet because i'm worried about my rep and all so i'll just post them here:


hi dear, when i/they tell you the venue, you don't ask where it is & how to get there, you google/waze it. this is a tip but it's almost SOP. xoxo

hi dear, if you can find the answer to your question by googling it, don't bother texting us. really. xoxo

hi dear, when we don't reply, we're not entirely ignoring you. there are just more imporant matters to attend to. believe me, there are. xoxo

Where have all the self-starting production assistants/coordinators gone? Oh yeah, they are the producers now.

10mb deck to 150mb, 2-month series of presentations, event's in 4 days, and you're asking us to still have our final presentation tomorrow. ozzum.

you want to add a segment but no addition in CE, is that right? great.

ayan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko

Yes, I'm going crazy again and yes, I'm at a crossroads again. I wish I have something better to say tonight, like I am inspired and I love what I am doing and this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

But truth is, I'm still looking for that one thing I would really want to do.

Problem with me is I have time to think! I should just get back to accepting my itsy bitsy role in this world. But I just can never be contented, can I?

sabi ko nga, okay lang ako

i know i should be reading right now instead of writing. i've been complaining about not having enough time to read or money to buy books but here i am.

i miss running. and i would love to climb a mountain.

i'm thinking of quitting smoking. seriously considering it this time. or really just smoke occasionally, socially. which is i think what i've been doing. will just try to lessen. like once a week. or once a month even maybe.

i'm growing more fond of watching than reading now. probably not a good thing.

#Prettygirlproblems 2

It's so hard to think of the future when you don't know what you should be doing in the present. It's so hard to write when you haven't been reading anymore. It's so hard to love yourself when you're not sure of who you are even. So let me try.

I'm a person who trusts my feelings more than anything else. Clear logic never escapes me, I always know what should be done but that part of the brain becomes secondary to the part that have been through all the bullshit, feels, adventures, and love. Quite the opposite of what others might think about people who act with their heart, I would never do anything that is  off the chart of reason; feelings does not trump logic. We just care more is all. I have been through years of dysfunction and enough self-reflections to know that pushing pragmatism in compromise of the emotional health can lead to literally deadly consequences.

Right now I feel like watching episode 8 of Homeland when I know the best plan of action would be: finishing work, taking a bath, do my errands, have a nice dinner with friends, then go to the meeting. The ideal plan seems very lovely but my mood just does not allow it because I would not allow myself to move. This impulse thing, I need to get over it.

I have been a bit down lately because of the changes in my life. Recent events have made me sensitive enough to hate one of my closest friends for his sexist remarks. Not very petty but no reason to end a friendship. I just don't feel like explaining to anybody. I just want to get on with my life for now until I find enough motivation to live again.

#PrettyGirlProblems

I'm not really asking much out of life. Or, I'm not asking beyond what it has. Whatever it is, I will drink and devour it. It is now what it is supposed to be and it should be better, fighting for this "better" is part of the Life. I'm not asking for a lot. I might not even be asking for anything. I'm just here to sail.

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I'm not pretty. I have a lot of insecurities, the biggest of which are my teeth. I regret that I even considered wearing braces. My teeth were fine as they were and I was often complimented with my smile. Insecurity pushed into wearing braces. Not pulling any bullshit though, I know that I don't look bad. I get admirers from time to time, the feeling's just not mutual most often than not and I've always had a boyfriend so I never really had any real experience with dating. I think I've grown up a lot in a few month and I am now more confident with myself to the point that I don't even take care of myself anymore. I love hanging out with my guy friends and I treasure all my platonic relationships.I love that I don't have to prettify when I have to be with them because there's no one to fix myself for, unlike when a girl usually has to be pretty because there are guys around, that kind of thing.

But a couple of months ago (I think), a guy friend 'fessed up about liking me. I honestly don't know what to feel about it because I don't like him in that way. Since then, I've been iffy around my guy friends and actually males in general. Like something has been tainted and that malice can be placed anywhere between the simple good mornings and late night drinking sessions. Plus, I have never really given my "image" a thought until this happened, including how I always hang out with guys. I know I shouldn't but sometimes I feel disgusted with myself. I know I shouldn't be made feel bad because I never really did anything wrong but I can't help feeling like this. Now I don't even know who I should be friends with.

A to the Double D

I quit. If I can't focus then I can't. I will just have to do all this shit tomorrow. I know I'm procrastinating and it will just add to the tons of things I have to do this week but what the fucking hell, my brain won't budge. I should start meditating again. This just won't cut it.

And I need to get my laptop repaired. It wastes precious work time.