Last Night

I forogt to mention that last night was my-heart-kicking-like-a-drum-slash-this-is-endorphins-overload night. Almost all of my major crushes were there last night. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!! I'm like a giddy effin schoolgirl. I. Must. Stop. Myself. Like my friend "Nemo" said, I don'y need any "excitement" right now.

June

Summer's over, the dog days should also be by now. Instead, I'm sitting here in front of my laptop at my X's house. Yep, you read that right. It's mad out there, I tell you! Mad!

You must know that I currently have three guy bestfriends in my life. First is my X, enough said. Then HuBu-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, we used to be solid, tight, inseparable. He's the craziest of the three. Third is this guy, whom we can call "L", we've only known each other for a few months but we've become really good friends we're almost girlfriends.

Remember that time when I disappeared from the face of the Earth and I was staying at a friend's house getting wasted all week? Well, last week we were supposed to go back to that flat.HuBu invited me. I didn't go. Then the next day there was this event that I was supposed to go to, I didn't go either. After that I went out of town for two days. I was supposed to attend a friend's exhibit the night I got back to the city. Guess what? Yep, missed out again.

Then came Sunday. This guy friend, L, the "forbidden breathtaking creature" from the previous posts, invited me out for coffee. He needed someone to talk with about his love problems. I just couldn't say no to heartbroken friends. Glad I could help. Nevermind that we have a past, right? We planned stuff on how he could fix things between him and his GF. It was a good friendly date. The next morning, he texted me that his girlfriend broke up with him. Just what the fuck, RIGHT?! Here I go again, Break-Up Patrol Ranger to the rescue! Oh, boy.

Then last night I went to this event, the aforementioned guy friend was supposed to go with me but he had a shoot so... 

AND THEN, Hubu-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was suddenly texting me that he's having problems with his girlfriend so he was going to be late. He went to the event nonetheless. We sparked a joint in his car, talked a little, but not heart-to-heart enough. A little later on in the night, he just disappeared! French exited with some friends. I don't know but I think that's just ungrateful. Nobody should treat their friends like that. (Ehem, note to self?) I'm putting him on my BV list. The end. The end?

Of course not, silly. When I got home HuBu's girlfriend IMed me. Asking about this certain girl. Uh-oh. Everything was just crazy from that point on, she started pouring her feelings and I, I couldn't even say a damn thing because HuBu's my friend and I am stuck between the two of them! I hate HuBu iright now but I'm not wrecking a home. Homewrecking might be a bit of an exaggeration but you get me, Imma stay out of this one.

Just when I thought my lovelife's fucked up.

Hiatus

So. Tomorrow, I'm gonna be on a roadtrip to the beach with my family. I am so excited I cannot sleep. Feels like the day before a school field trip when I was in grade school.

Yes, this is it. Self-reflection and shiz. Something good should--must come out of this.

Oh, joy and happiness. Thank you, life, for this. Imma be updatin through Twitter.

Hatin' Season

To diss and to be mean, it's what I do best. I am at my funniest when I'm hatin'.

Napakalungkot kong tao.

Miss out ako dahil wala akong pera. Hadlang ang ekonomiya sa lahat ng bagay sa mundo! Wooooooooo! But I wanna go out! Four days na 'kong nagkukulong sa bahay. Hellooooo?

I Think I'm Gonna Barf

HuBu-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named just called. He wants me to go there. In his house. Just what the fuck am I really?

Tweet tweet

Follow me?

Summer 2011: To fall in and out of love again and again.

Have you ever walked outside in broad daylight with a joint between your fingers? I have. Nobody gives a fuck, really. Nobody's going to spend a minute of their precious time to tell you off or call the authorities or do something--anything--about it. It's just a joint man. I can just imagine a world where everybody can do their morning walks while smoking a spliff. That would be a really wonderful morning.

***
I fell out of love with someone. And fell in love with another. Fell out of love with another. And fell in love with someone. And now I'm just confused.

***
I have a new favortie movie--Fish Story. I like anything cathartic, and I can say that Fish Story is the embodiment of catharsis. It doesn't leave you all confused and with a bad headache. It tells and ends a good story well. It leaves you with that warm fuzzy feeling inside and it stays there for a long time. I didn't really know what it was about before I watched it, I thought it was a rockumentary of some Japanese punk band from the 70s but it was really more; it was sci-fi and music and comedy and romance and everything else. It's 114 minutes long and I have already watched it three times. The last time was when we were counting down to the day of "rapture." Just perfect.

***
I get high with a little help from my friends.

***
I spent last Friday as a Break-Up Patrol Ranger. Rapture countdown with a heartbroken girlfriend and a few friends coming and going. They cleaned C's apartment then we watched the best feel-good movies reserved for the day before the end of the world -- Easy A and Fish Story (which actually falls under the End-of-the-World film genre). We had hotdogs, cocktails, noodles, and beer. And of course weed. Duh.

The next day I went to a graduation party of a friend. Played Puerto Rico, killer-killer, that question game, and sang at the Karaoke. Spent the night there. Went to the mall the next day with my housemates. Went home and fell down the stairs. Hooray.

So today, I am stuck at home with an injured left foot.

THE Week of My Summer 2011

I always have this kind of days every summer, when I just lose control and you-know-whatelse's.

So, it was my housemate's birthday last week and of course we gave her a surprise party on our rooftop, food, drinking games, and all. It was 90s themed and it was WILD. Good wild, y'know. Everybody was just happy and dancing and drunk and I just French exited. Just like that.

Immediately after I went out, I texted my girl bestie and my gay bestie (who are also my housemates) that I went out and that I would be back. Apparently, nobody received/read it so they just panicked because I had gone missing. In truth, I was with two guy friends. It was a wholesome thing, don't worry. Slept over, dropped, smoked and drank. But the Vs got the better of us and we ended up not finishing our second bottle of Grande (beer). Dropped almost as good as dead but just really fucking slept like babies. There were hugs, and a feel here and there. But obviously, it was nothing. Wouldn't be blabbing about it if it was something. Bleagh.

Went to guy-who-used-to-be-a-bestie-now-a-HuBu's house. Stayed a bit. Boys played NBA2K. And me, I just stayed. I was too high to notice that they were boring the amats out of me anyway.

HuBu-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named went out to meet with the girlfriend. Left us three. We went out immediately after anyway. Rode a taxi to a friend's flat. Someone I hadn't seen for a very long time. She now has a baby. Father's a "royal blood", if you know what I mean, high up above the socio-cultural-economic ladder. So yeah, they're separated.

We stayed at the place getting high, getting drunk, and just enjoying ourselves to the moon and back rocking each other's socks. And of course taking care of the baby. Gives me goosebumps whenever I recall that creepy Trainspotting scene. Anyway, loads of fun. Went home Friday, went back to their place again Saturday. Then went home Tuesday. It got tiring. And really, afterwards, when I was starting to sober up, I realized, the whole friendship, it was all based on amats, y'know. It wasn't real, was it?

So, of course, I, the vulnerable one with low self-worth went crashing and is still crashing. Things start and end just like that. Just sad how people can just take other people for granted and not realize it and still be happy together anyway. I wish I could just enjoy it. Being young and being able to do these things. Because it really is (or was), honestly, fun, awesome, great, spectacular even!

So I used to not know what I want, but at least I knew what I didn't want. Now I'm clueless.

(Typed this with at least 100 WPM straight up, no chaser! Crazy.)

Little Blue Pill

Little blue pill made me do things I have long forgotten
Cut my self through and numb myself sick
It's cool, they'll say, it's chill
But it made me think dark thoughts
Made me want to do dark things
Or do things in the dark

And now the blue little pill making its way out of my system
is
leaving
victorious.

Sobriety

Easy D

Told me I'm easy

Well I am

Like a Sunday morning

Fucked four my whole life

And you think it's forty

Drink beer, take this, take that

And you think I'm game

Wear a short skirt
And you put a palm on my leg

Feeling it upwards

It's all good, man, I'm no hypocrite

We all need the warmth

But you can't
(to both our frustration)

get into my skirt

We sit side-by-side in the cab

And little by little you sit closer
Whispering to my ears, hitting on me

Then you put your hand over mine

But I give no response

I don't hold hands

I may tease, I may please

I'll make you sweat and plead

You want a ride

I'll give you a fucking rollercoaster

You want some heat

We'll burn this house to the core

Though I suggest

You, run, now

I'm a monster unleashed

fuck love. fuck life. fuck everyone.

Choose this.

Masama ba 'kong tao?

Siguro nga. La Vie Boheme na ba?

flowwwwts

ayoko lang munang mag-isip. gusto kong lumutang lang ng lumutang habang nagsa-soundtrip. tapos may kausap lang na kabigan sa chat. wag sa personal, ang hirap e.

tangina. ano 'yun? ano 'yung nangyaring 'yun? amats lang 'yun? pukingina naman. parang di mo alam disposisyon ko ngayon e. bestfriend kita alam mo kung anong pinagdadaanan ko sabay ganon?

tapos wala lang. parang wala lang. kasalanan ko pa 'yan kung magtatanong ako o magcocomment. kelangan kalimutan lang. na parang wala lang. tanginang buhay 'to. ako na naman ang talo.

Me Gone Wilder

I have become uncontrollable.

Hubu

Hubu (hoo-boo) n. hug buddy

Gera

Bakit kaya tuwing summer napapagera ako?

Ugh, tabla beach!

Tonight, I write.

For I have nothing else to do. The part where you are lying down on your bed staring at the screen for he has just left after spending an entire day with you. The time when you have no one to talk to inspite having five roommates. The night when you wish you're home with your family and baby brothers. That short period when you feel like you have no one.

I am lonely. :(